I've already done an "official" top ten list and all that year-end movie-critic jazz, but since today's my birthday I figured I'd spend an hour or two on a piece I'll simply enjoy writing. Most of the solid horror sites have done their own top / bottom lists, so I thought it would make sense to try a different approach. So let's start waaaay back in January and just tiptoe through the year in horror together. And then at the end we'll figure out how the horror geeks were treated in 2007. (All links lead to my review of that particular film, be it from FEARnet, eFilmCritic, DVDTalk, DVD Clinic, or right here at good ol' Cinematical.)
January!
01/02 -- Snakes on a Plane arrives on DVD. "The internet" still refuses to make it a hit. (0) 01/12 -- Giant croc flick Primeval advertised as a serial killer film. Doesn't help the box office. (-1) 01/16 -- Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning arrives on DVD. Thousands give it a second shot and realize it still sucks. (-1) 01/19 -- A predictably horrible remake of The Hitcher arrives in theaters. Nobody cares. (-1) 01/23 -- Saw 3 hits DVD and sells a whole bunch of copies, despite the fact that all the horror fans know a double-dip is arriving in 11 months. Weird. (0) 01/26 -- Blood and Chocolate. Ew, no thanks. (-1) 01/30 -- Forgotten Ricci flick The Gathering (finally) arrives on DVD. Turns out it was shelved for good reason. (-1)
January Total: -5 horror points!
February!
02/02 -- J-horror knock-off latecomer The Messengers hits theaters. With a PG-13. (-1) 02/06 -- The Grudge 2 hits DVD. Thousands realize oh yeah, there was a sequel. (-1) 02/09 -- A well-shot but horribly unnecessary prequel arrives in the form of Hannibal Rising. Collective yawn. (-1) 02/13 -- The "so good it's gotta be remade because it's foreign" 13 (Tzameti) arrives on DVD. (+1) 02/16 -- The comics nerds get a little (very little) horror infusion with the very silly Ghost Rider. (-1) 02/20 -- Lionsgate slaps the words "Open Water 2" onto a movie called "Adrift." (-1) 02/23 -- After Dark (brilliantly) chooses their dullest flick (The Abandoned) for a solo theatrical release. (-1) 02/23 -- Jim Carrey tries to get grim (and ends up goofy) in The Number 23. (-1) 02/27 -- The Return arrives on DVD. Hundreds remember that the movie exists. (-1)
Even at the end of the lamest movie years, this is always too hard. I'm supposed to take a list of over 200 movies and cramp it down into one 10-title list? No way. That's not to say that there were too many films jockeying for position on my "best" list, but hell, I spent a LOT of hours watching all these movies, and I'll be damned if I'm only gonna cover ten of 'em!
Last year I went a little insane and did ten different top ten lists, but I have a little more of a social life this year, so I'm just going to list my favorite films and trash the year's biggest stinkpiles (and then, in a separate post, recap the year in horror). Let's try and generate a little tension by starting at the end. (That's what she said!)
10. Juno, Knocked Up & Waitress -- I hate it when critics put multiple movies in one spot, but I just had to cheat on my number ten, because it's really weird how the three best comedies of the year ... all have to do with pregnant chicks. One movie per slot from here on out, I promise.
9. The Bourne Ultimatum -- The perfect capper to a stellar trilogy. Masterful action, fantastic performances, and an energy that just never lets up.
8. Zodiac -- I went in expecting Silence of the Lambs, but got a fantastic "newspaper" story instead. And even at 160 minutes, I was never bored.
7. Hot Fuzz -- Pegg, Frost and Wright strike again in this wonderfully clever action flick send-up. It took multiple viewings before the flick really clicked with me, but it's easily the funniest movie of the year that doesn't have any pregnant women in it. (Superbad being a close second.)
6. Sweeney Todd -- It's not exactly the sort of musical I'm used to (that Sondheim is pretty weird), but between the stellar leads, the grimly gorgeous look of the piece, and enough gallows humor to fill ten good flicks -- this just might be Tim Burton's best movie yet.
It's been awhile since we've had a little film blog group hugging action around here. Today it's cold and snowing here, so what better way to put off cleaning house and baking lasagna for our Boxing Day party than to cozy up under a quilt with a cup of hot tea and some of my favorite film bloggers? As 2007 wanes away and Sundance looms near, I thought I'd pop by some of my favorite film blogs to see who's doing any writing this holiday weekend.
Before taking a well-deserved break for the holidays, hard-working film blogger Karina Longworth at Spout Blog put up this thought-provoking piece on whether Disney wants to turn your daughter into a whore. As Karina points out, Barbara Ehrenreich's recycled rant on the evils of all things Disney is well past-due. I was getting into arguments about Disney back when I was doing time in mom's clubs when I did the stay-at-home-mom gig for a few years; the "We're raising our kids gender-neutral," granola-crunching, feminist hippy mamas in Seattle and parts elsewhere have had Disney in their crosshairs for years.
My favorite line from Ehrenreich's piece: "One's sexual inclinations--straightforward or kinky, active or passive, heterosexual or homosexual--should be free to develop without adult intervention or manipulation. " Riiiiiiiiight. If you raise your kids in a bubble unexposed to any society whatsover, perhaps. Kids are products of their social communities whether they grow up in the favelas of Brazil or in a high-rise overlooking Central Park, and trying to mold their little minds with the androgyny of gender-neutrality is no less manipulative than allowing your daughter to dress up like a pretty princess. Bratz, though, is another story. I hate those damn dolls with a passion previously reserved for Barney. If anyone's trying to shallow-fy and whore out our daughters, it's the evil geniuses behind those Bratz dolls. At least the Disney Princesses don't have lips that look like they had an unfortunate experience with a silicone injection. Anyhow.
"Turns out the movie version was exactly like an episode of the TV show, only longer." -- Millions of unimpressed moviegoers after wasting thirty bucks on yet another failed TV-to-movie experiment.
And those moviegoers are usually unimpressed because projects like these exist as little more than franchise exploitation. Seriously, was the universe actually demanding a movie version of Inspector Gadget or The Beverly Hillbillies? Most definitely not. But in certain (generally rare) cases, a successful TV show makes the leap to the silver screen in exceedingly fine form. Star Trek certainly did it. So did South Park, The Addams Family, The Fugitive and Firefly. But lately all the worlds' media attention has been focused on one specific series, a comedic juggernaut that's been chugging merrily along for the last 18 years. It's more than a classic, more than an institution. Heck, I hate to think of television without it. Yep, Springfield fans, it's (finally) time for The Simpsons Movie.
What an amusing novelty it is to see America's favorite yellow family up on the big screen -- doubly so because the magic of the series has translated quite excellently into cinematic form. Aside from a few editing gaffes (the DVD version will probably run 110 minutes!), The Simpsons Movie is quite a GOOD movie: a colorful little treat that's sly enough for the grown-ups, silly enough for the kids and funnier that just about anything found in the multiplexes these days. It's as if someone pulled a forgotten episode out of a vault marked "Simpsons Seasons 4 - 9," stretched the thing out into a tight 85-minute package, and gussied up some of the animation and special effects. So yes, The Simpsons Movie is exactly like a feature-length episode of the Sunday night staple. And in this case, that's a really big compliment.
Yep, there's actually a movie called Transmorphers, and it slides into "select" video stores just in time for the theatrical release of Transformers. Some call it copy-catting at its most shameless, some opt to call it fortuitous timing ... and most people will never even hear of Transmorphers, aside from the hardcore movie geeks and the curious 14-year-olds of the world. Produced by the outfit that gave you The Da Vinci Treasure, Pirates of Treasure Island and Snakes on a Train, Leigh Scott's low-low-budget Transmorphers is (of course) unquestionably, obviously and in all ways blatantly BAD ... but here's the key question: Is it any fun?
Everyone has several different definitions of "fun" and one of mine is this: A cheap knock-off turkey that mixes the giant robots of Transformers, the sexual politics (and uniforms) of Starship Troopers, the hero of Pitch Black, the subterranean existence of The Matrix, the post-apocalyptic struggle of The Terminator, a whole bunch of arbitrary emo angst borrowed from Battlestar Galactica, and about fifteen other components from sci-fi flicks as varied as Serenity and Jason X. It's a weird and grungy little concoction, but between the florid bouts of soap opera whatnot and the special effects that fondly remind one of Land of the Lost -- there's definitely enough here to warrant an 83-minute visit, but (seriously) only if you're well-versed in the art of bad cinema. There's enough bad acting, ripe writing and chintzy production design to fill three Uwe Boll movies, but like the works of that particular master, there's something brain-twistingly amusing about the whole goofy affair.
If Michael Bay's intention was to make a Transformers movie that would have the established fans peeing in their pants and clapping with nerdly glee, he's succeeded in fine form. If, however, Michael Bay's intention was to create an accessible sci-fi adventure movie that could bring in moviegoers who believe a "transformer" is something you stick into your fuse box ... he's failed pretty miserably. Hitting the screens with all the subtlety of a 50-piece drum set thrown down an eternal flight of stairs, Transformers should have been bankrolled by the fine people of Tylenol: Twelve random minutes of the flick are enough to give you a brain-bruising migraine.
But loud and mindless I can handle. Lord knows I'm a fan of enough empty vessels like Transformers. (Indeed, I'm even a Bay supporter sometimes. I adore The Rock, I consider Armageddon a blissfully guilty pleasure, and I'm one of the few who bothered to find some good things in The Island. The less said about Pearl Harbor and Bad Boys 2 ... the better.) The main problem (among many) with this massively moronic Transformers flick is that for all its sound and fury ... there's simply that nothing there. One can only sit through so many sequences in which giant animated dolls throw each other across the street before he wonders "Do I even care who wins this fight? And which one's the good guy again? I think he had blue stripes."
Love the guy or hate him, there's little denying that filmmaker Michael Moore is a pretty controversial figure. Plus the guy deserves credit for bothering to tackle issues that affect us all ... but very few people actually talk about. After earning supporters and detractors in equal measure with Roger & Me, Bowling for Columbine and Fahrenheit 9/11, Mr. Moore is back with a documentary that takes a very close look at the problems plaguing the American health care system -- and frankly I can't think of a better target for Moore's particular brand of everyman wrath.
Although he has polarized audiences in the past, what with all his soapbox politics and arguments about liberal this and conservative that, Moore's latest film is also one of his most confident ... and most plainly dramatic. But there's a lot of great points to be found in Moore's Sicko -- especially if you've been wondering how America's health care "providers" have become so damn powerful. If there's a "Big Brother" out there, it's got to be the connection between U.S. government and our nation's shamelessly backwards health care system. And frankly I'm pretty thrilled to see that someone's taking these mega-corporations to task for their money-grubbing and astonishingly callous ways.
The German Defense Ministry has said "nein" to Tom Cruise, Bryan Singer and the entire Valkyrie crew. The original plan was to shoot on some German military locations, but apparently Mr. Cruise's connection to the Church of Scientology has shot that plan all to hell. Germany, you see, has a very low tolerance of the Hubbard religion (see Monika's post on the Stauffenberg family reaction to Cruise's participation). Variety explains it perfectly when they say the "decision was based on Germany's longstanding contention that Scientology is not a religion but an exploitative, profit-based business concern." Yowch. No hair-splittin' there, folks.
In years past certain German officials have called for boycotts on some of Cruise's films, plus they didn't let him shoot any of the third Mission: Impossible there -- even though he probably asked really nice. Personal opinions aside (yes, I think Scientology is mega-goofy), I think the German government is probably overreacting a little bit. But hey, points to the guys for sticking to their principles, right? Yet again, I don't see what one guy's religious beliefs have to do with the making of a movie... Oh, it's so frustrating to see both sides of an argument!
As far as Valkyrie goes, there are still plans to shoot in Germany, but apparently the military locations that the crew was after are strictly off limits. And it's all Scientology's fault. Production on the wartime thriller, which also stars Kenneth Branagh and Bill Nighy, is set to begin some time next month. (The flick's about a plot to kill Hitler, and even though we already know how the story ends (he lives) it still sounds like a pretty solid project.)
My take on the Resident Evil series is pretty darn simple. Part 1: Slick, stylish, entertaining junk. Part 2: Junk. So when I read the not-so-surprising news that Sony was aiming to deliver a Part 3, I was equal parts happy and annoyed. But hey, any chance I get to see Milla Jovovich in torn clothing as she blows down zombies left and right ... I'll take it. I'm a big fan of the Milla. Then I learned that an old pro was being brought in (that'd be Russell Mulcahy, of Razorback, Highlander and Ricochet) and my hopeful-meter raised just a few points.
Well, Mulcahy's Resident Evil: Extinction doesn't hit theaters until September 21, but Sony aims to kick-start the zombie madness with a big swanky double feature DVD that the fans are sure to love. According to DVDActive.com, the Resident Evil Double Feature Collector's Set will hit the shelves on September 4, and here's what you'll find inside the package: Both movies (Resident Evil and Resident Evil: Apocalypse) obviously, a brand-new "bridging scene" that'll tie all three movies together through the magic of ... Resident Evil movie clips, a "Diary of an Apocalypse" featurette, a "Zombie Dog P.O.V Test," an "Undead Boot Camp" featurette, a "Memory Retention Division" featurette, a stuntman set tour, an "Evil Archives" photo gallery, an early peek at some Part 3 footage, and (best of all) a free ticket to see Resident Evil: Extinction. (That way if it really sucks you can say "I got in for free ... and I still want my money back!" and all your friends will laugh and call you clever.)
Since I don't know a darned thing about the Hitman video game, all I have to go on (as far as the upcoming movie version is concerned) is this: It was written by the guy who did Swordfish, it stars the very cool Timothy Olyphant, and its first teaser trailer (available exclusively at JoBlo's) is pretty damn slick. Generally your action movie trailers are mega-loud and bombastic mini-movies, brain-pounding sensation crescendos that almost pummel you into submission. (Actually I really love those trailers!)
The Hitman trailer, on the other hand, is quite the quiet and classy affair ... which somehow makes the flick seem just a little more bad-ass. Like I said, I've never played the video game, but I've been a fan of the Olyphant for quite some time (Deadwood rocks!) and I'm psyched to see him land a big-time action hero gig like this one. The director on Hitman is first-timer Frenchman Xavier Gens; his supporting cast includes Olga Kurylenko, Ulrich Thomsen and Dougray Scott. October 12 is when Fox plans to unleash the assassin, and I gotta say ... I'm all of a sudden pretty damn intrigued by this one.
Oh, I never mentioned the plot: It's about a bald hitman who kills a whole lot of bad people. Stylishly.
Whenever a new horror cycle spins 'round, there'll be a newspaper reporter ready to ask Stephen King what he thinks of the "new" sub-genre. Plus if the mega-popular novelist has a new movie adaptation (like 1408) just ready to hit the market, well, that's what they called serendipity. But Marc Olsen of the L.A. Times is to be commended for asking the man just a few simple questions and leaving things simple.
For example, did you know that Mr. King has no real problem with "torture porn"? True. And he also seems to be a really big fan of Eli Roth'sHostel Part II: "There's something going on in "Hostel II" that isn't torture porn, there's really something going on there that's interesting on an artistic basis. Sure it makes you uncomfortable, but good art should make you uncomfortable." But when asked about "crossing the line," King makes a strange statement about a film he doesn't seem to have seen yet: "I'm very uneasy about this film coming out with Elisha Cuthbert, Captivity." The novelist doesn't elaborate much on why he has a problem with this specific movie but adds "It makes me feel creepy just to think about it. It's almost like exploiting murder for the sake of murder."
For more on how that specifically differs from what's on display in Hostel 2 (and I would agree it does), you can check the full interview. But there is one more little tidbit that's worth mentioning. It's been well-documented that Stephen King is not a huge fan of Stanley Kubrick'sThe Shining, so when Olsen asks about what makes a "bad" Stephen King movie, here's what the author had to say: "I don't like movies that are cold. I don't like movies that approach it like an exercise. A movie, for instance, where say Jack Nicholson and his wife are trapped in a hotel and you don't feel any love between them, you don't feel any caring, it just becomes sort of an exercise. And that bothers me."
Someday I'd love to interview Mr. King and run down all of the movies, one at a time. I'd get a kick out of hearing his thoughts on The Mangler, Pet Sematary 2 ... or his own Maximum Overdrive.
According to Dark Horizons, Starship Troopers 3 is presently shooting down under. Ms. van Graan will join the production a few weeks from now in Cape Town. No word on when Sony aims to release this late-coming sequel, but you can rest assured it'll be bypassing theatrical release and landing directly onto your Netflix queue.
Hard to believe that raucous rascal Jack Black and slob-com director Todd Phillips never hooked up before, but it looks like they're about to remedy that oversight. The WB project is called Man-Witch, and I guarantee it'll have at least one joke about manwiches. Here's how Variety describes the premise: "Black will play a schoolteacher who suddenly discovers he has witchlike abilities. Taken in by a coven, he is persuaded to attend a school for witches, only to discover that his classmates are all girls."
See, now that's inspired. They could have just stopped with "man-witch," but they had to go the extra mile and include the fish-out-of-water AND gender-alienation gags in there too! Raise your hand if you think Mr. Black will have to cross-dress and try to pass as a woman at least once. Ugh. Newcomer screenwriter Jay Reiss will be penning the thing, and he'll be working from a pitch by Josh Stolberg (Kids in America) and first-timer Bob Florsheim.
Hmm, the director of Starsky & Hutch and School for Scoundrels, a bunch of inexperienced writers, and the sometimes-great, sometimes-painful Jack Black -- who really hasn't delivered a whole lot since School of Rock. Combine all that with a premise that sounds like it fell out of a Fox Family Channel Original, and I think I'll be passing on this one. Unless the trailer's really funny.
From the hardcore comic geeks to the general moviegoers -- everyone seems to have loved Batman Begins. Like, a lot. Which explains why we're writing little articles about next summer's sequel twice a day. The Dark Knight will bring back most of the cast from the first film (although Katie Holmes has been (thankfully) replaced by Maggie Gyllenhaal) and offer up new additions like Heath Ledger as The Joker!
Over the last few weeks we've gotten reports on Batsuits, Batbikes and Bat-marketing galore, but our pal JoBlo has an inside scoop from someone on the set! Visit the Emporium to read the full report (mild spoiler warning), but here's just a little snip to whet your appetite: "The Joker does not look as grotesque as he did in the photo on the harveydent site. He has long hair with green highlights in it, he was wearing a long purple jacket with a blue sport coat under it, purple gloves and I regret to say I forget the color of his pants. But anyways, he comes in shooting and people are being hurt and killed left and right, he's looking for Harvey Dent (his first line says so). As Joker is hitting people along the way (he's slapping extras!), comes in Batman in that new suit that was in Entertainment Weekly this week. They fight, it's all long and drawn out and during this, JOKER DOES HIS LAUGH."
Dang. As if I weren't already slobbering over the thought of Christopher Nolan's follow-up ... this article did the trick. I only hope I can remain somewhat spoiler-free before the flick hits theaters next July! If you've missed any of our recent Dark Knight coverage, please do click here, here and here. And here, here and here. (And here.) And here, here and here. That's it. And here.
Columnist turned author Mitch Albom is about to add another title to his resumé: that of screenwriter. (OK, he adapted a few of his books for television but I'm talking about screenwriting) According to Variety, Adam Sandler's Happy Madison shingle has bought a baseball-related pitch from the author ... and yes, the project is being set up by Sony as a vehicle for Mr. Sandler. Because he hasn't done enough sports comedies yet. (Nothing against Sandler, but he hasn't made a funny movie since The Wedding Singer, if it's me you're asking.)
Described as a "comedy with emotional elements set in the world of baseball," the as-yet-untitled film will mark the very first collaboration between the author of The Five People You Meet in Heaven and Tuesdays with Morrie and the star of Big Daddy, Little Nicky and Anger Management. Can't wait for those "emotional elements." If Click taught us anything, it's that Sandler and "emotional elements" are a really effective combination. For torture.
So let's take some bets: Who thinks the movie will be about an aging bench-player who gets one last shot at stardom? Or maybe it's about a harried dad who begrudgingly takes a job as his son's little league coach ... only to learn several valuable lessons. Oh, I know! A selfish superstar gets bopped on the head during batting practice and starts being really nice to everyone. Sandler + Albom + Baseball = This stuff writes itself.
It's been awhile since we've had a little film blog group hugging action around here. Today it's cold and snowing here, so what better way to put off cleaning house and baking lasagna for our Boxing Day party than to cozy up under a quilt with a cup of hot tea and some of my favorite film bloggers? As 2007 wanes away and Sundance looms near, I thought I'd pop by some of my favorite film blogs to see who's doing any writing this holiday weekend.
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Since I don't know a darned thing about the 
Whenever a new horror cycle spins 'round, there'll be a newspaper reporter ready to ask 
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From the hardcore comic geeks to the general moviegoers -- everyone seems to have loved 
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SCOOP: Spider-Man 4 and 5 Might be Shot at the Same Time!
Cinematical Seven: Disney's Awesome Live-Action Kid Adventures
