I love a good horror flick, but it's rare that I can find five trailers with some kind of connection to horror worth talking about in a single week. Huzzah! This is just such a week. Take a look at these Tales to Horrify.

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Undead

This light-hearted take on vampirism reminds me a little of Roman Polanski's The Fearless Vampire Killers, with the "theater of vampires" bit making me think of Interview With The Vampire. I gotta say this looks awesome. An unemployed actor played by Jake Hoffman (son of Dustin) lands a job directing a bizarre off-Broadway version of Hamlet. The play has actually been written by a Romanian vampire, and things get complicated when the lead actor suddenly becomes one of the undead as well. Ralph Macchio is in there too playing a mobster/vampire hunter and, according to Monika's post from a few months ago, Sean Lennon has written the score. This looks like a classy production all the way through.

Mirrors

Mirrors are everywhere, but there's still something inherently creepy about them. Kiefer Sutherland plays an ex-cop and some kind of malevolent force is using mirrors as a gateway into his home to threaten him and his family. There are some creepy moments here, but I'm not sure about this one. These days I see Sutherland and I can't get past his Jack Bauer character, and that kid in the trailer is trying way too hard to sound cute. This is also from the director of High Tension, which is not a score in the plus column for me. The trailer is pretty slight, so I'll have to see more. Here's what William thought.

Once again using my own take on the classic Seven Degrees of Kevin Bacon, I'm bouncing from one trailer to the next via connections both insignificant and profound. Let's start with...

Pink Panther 2
When I first heard about the 2006 Pink Panther remake I, like many, cried "blasphemers!" Who could possibly fill Peter Sellers' shoes as the endearingly idiotic Inspector Clouseau? Well, if anyone could do, it it would be Steve Martin, and even if the film wasn't a total success Martin brought some inspired silliness to the role, and now he's back for more. This teaser trailer is kind of funny, though I don't care for the more up-tempo version of the classic Pink Panther theme (was that in the last film? I don't remember). The good inspector sneaks into a sold out movie, and while I won't give away the joke, I will say that it will definitely work better in theaters than online. Eugene posted about the trailer here.
And speaking of remakes...

Death Race
It's unfortunate that this one starts with one of the worst cliches of all time. "The rules are simple," says one character, "there are no rules." Gag me. I've always liked Death Race 2000 from 1975, and while this new version apparently strays pretty far from the original, it looks to be a fun bit of brainless action. Jason Statham is a former NASCAR champion who has been framed for his wife's murder so he can participate in a three day auto race for convicted felons. In its few years of existence Death Race has garnered a bigger audience than the Super Bowl. Cars are armor plated and armed with a potpourri of exotic weapons. The trailer is non-stop action and if the film is the same I'll be willing to overlook that godawful cliche. Here's Erik's take.
And speaking of Jason Statham...

There have been war movies pretty much for as long as there have been movies. If and when we finally get to see Tarantino's long-promised Inglorious Bastards, and if it proves to be a hit, I'm betting we see a surge of war flicks. For now, though, we've got five trailers for war-related movies, starting with...

Punisher: War Zone
Between Iron Man and The Incredible Hulk, Marvel properties are pretty hot these days, but I just don't see this one coming anywhere near that kind of success. Much like Batman, The Punisher started his career driven by vengeance, but instead of fighting crime with his fists, he selected the admittedly more practical weapon: guns, lots and lots of guns. Thomas Jane chose not to return for this sequel and this time we have Ray Stevenson wearing the skull emblem and firing the automatic weapons. His delivery is particularly stump-like, but there's only so much that can be done with lines like "sometimes I'd like to get my hands on God." I've never liked the comic book and I haven't seen any of the other Punisher movies, so maybe fans of the character will find this more interesting.

Miracle at St. Anna
This new one from Spike Lee should be worth waiting for. In 1983, a postal employee named Hector Negron gives a customer a look of recognition before shooting him in cold blood. Police find an ancient Italian artifact worth $5 million in Negron's apartment as well as a purple heart from World War II. The details are told in flashback as we see him and several other black American soldiers in 1944 trapped behind enemy lines in Italy. This is based on a novel by James McBride and it opens on September 26. Here's Christopher's take.

No, I'm not talking about Paul McCartney and Wings' "Venus and Mars" (though that is a pretty awesome tune). I suppose you would be hard pressed to find a movie with no romantic angle at all, but these five trailers focus specifically on male/female relationships.

Nights in Rodanthe
No, this doesn't have anything to do with that radioactive pterodactyl occasionally seen hanging out with Godzilla (that's Rodan to the uninitiated). Actually this one (which Erik first posted about here) stars Richard Gere as a doctor on his way to reconcile with his son. His trip takes an unexpected turn when he begins a love affair with an innkeeper whose loveless marriage is on the skids. Christopher Meloni plays the estranged husband, which doesn't seem all that different from his role on Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. It looks like a competent production, but it just reeks of Bridges of Madison County. There may be something worthwhile here, but it's not my cup of tea.

He's Just Not That Into You
If nothing else, the cast of this adaptation of the novel by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo will make you sit up and take notice. Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Connelly, Scarlett Johansson, Jennifer Aniston, Ben Affleck, and Justin Long star with Barrymore also producing. The film follows several interconnecting stories, with the trailer showing us several romantic missteps that could easily come from any romantic comedy, but the cast is so top-notch that I find myself wanting to see more. This one hits theaters on October 24. Here's Elisabeth's take on the trailer.

Have you ever read a film review in which the critic went to great pains to find meaning and symbolism that really wasn't there? I was reminded of that practice just now as I struggled in vain to find a common theme with which to bind together five previews for today's Trailer Park. Rather than trying to find structure where none truly exists, I'm just going with five trailers I find interesting. Cool?

Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Yes, I'm a big enough Kevin Smith fan that I stayed up for the midnight launch of this trailer on the Quick Stop Entertainment site. Unfortunately I didn't realize they meant midnight on the West coast, so I was slightly sleep deprived when I finally caught the trailer this morning. As Erik pointed out in his recent post, Smith states that this is just a teaser and doesn't contain even a second of footage from the actual film. The title characters (played by Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks) are lifelong platonic friends who decide to produce a porn flick together. The teaser shows them auditioning talent, but we only see the two of them as they struggle through the unfamiliar process. No belly laughs, but it is quite funny and charming, while being verbally graphic. This is a bit of a relief, as the "I'm F***ing Seth Rogen" video that was circulating a little while ago featured the two stars riffing on Sarah Silverman's hilarious "I'm F***ing Matt Damon" video without really adding much. More importantly, I learned a new word today: "manscape."

This week I'm feeling kind of fond of the fauna. Here are five trailers for films related to the animal kingdom.

The Dark Knight
Bats: nocturnal flying mammals who occasionally star in hotly anticipated summer blockbusters. I know I'm not the only one who's been waiting for this one ever since the end credits rolled on Batman Begins. Once again Christian Bale dons the cape and cowl of the tortured Batman, this time to do battle with Heath Ledger's sublimely psychotic Joker. This newest trailer gives us plenty of both hero and villain, as well as what appears to be the start of District Attorney Harvey Dent's (Aaron Eckhart) career as Two-Face. Michael Caine is also back as Alfred, and as much as I liked Michael Gough in the role, now I can't imagine anyone else polishing the silver at Wayne Manor. July 18 can't come fast enough. Here's Elisabeth's take.

Eagle Eye
You know that scene in The Matrix where Morpheus calls Neo on the cell phone and tries to instruct him on how to get out of the office before The Agents find him? That's exactly what this trailer plays like. Shia Labeouf plays a character who suddenly finds an extra three-quarters of a million dollars in his bank account and he comes home to find his apartment filled with a couple metric tons of terrorist accoutrement's like explosives and automatic weapons. A mysterious voice calls him and tells him that the FBI will be there in moments. Arrested and framed, he must go undercover with a terrorist organization to clear his name. I was intrigued until I found out this was from D.J. Caruso, the man behind the stunningly mediocre Disturbia. Still, the trailer is kind of cool and the cast also includes Rosario Dawson and Billy Bob Thornton. Eagle Eye starts playing U.S. theaters on September 26. Here's what Erik thought of the trailer.

For this week's Trailer Park we're taking a Rube Goldberg approach, with an intricate series of mechanisms (metaphorically speaking) allowing us to careen from one trailer to the next by one connection or other. Ready? Let's start with:

X-Files: I Want to Believe
Yes, I want to believe too. X-Files became unwatchable for me in its last few years on the air, but prior to that it was one of the best hours of dramatic television ever. I'd love to see the series revived as a successful film franchise, but this trailer isn't doing much for me. We have the reappearance of Fox Muldar (David Duchovny) and Dana Scully (Gillian Anderson), as well as the theme from the TV show, but the rest is a muddle of chaotic imagery. This being X-Files, details are being kept to a minimum, but I'm not seeing enough here to get me revved up, which is how I was hoping to feel. Here's Elisabeth's take on it.
And speaking of Gillian Anderson...

Kidding? Yes, that's right, as in kids, young 'uns, rug rats. This week on Trailer Park, we're scoping out previews of movies that are for or about the kiddies.

The Rocker
Kid is a relative term, but the teens populating this comedy are kids from where I'm sitting. Probably best known for playing Dwight on NBC's The Office, Rainn Wilson stars as a washed up 80s rocker who was booted out of a succesful band right before they hit it big. Kind of like Pete Best but with spandex and big hair. His teenage nephew's band is playing at the prom and they need him to fill in. The gig goes well and Wilson's character ends up touring with the band. There's a definite hint of School of Rock, but Wilson is so appealing in the role that I've chosen to overlook that and the groin injury joke (a hokey device that is often a deal breaker for me). Here's what Erik thought of the trailer.

Iron Man is hitting screens this weekend, leaving a trail of positive reviews in its wake. Check out James' and Scott's reviews, and if you need even more iron in your diet, head on over here. With that in mind, this week's Trailer Park is all about the heroes.

Batman: Gotham Knight
Returning as the voice of the caped crusader is Kevin Conroy, who lent his voice to The Bat in Batman: The Animated Series, Batman Beyond, and Justice League. This new version, however, doesn't look like any previous animated version of the character. Going straight to DVD shortly before The Dark Knight hits theaters, this feature offers six different visual interpretations of Batman from six celebrated anime artists. The approach is similar to The Animatrix, which gave an anime take on the universe of The Matrix films. The trailer looks amazing with striking interpretations of not just Batman, but also of the urban sprawl of Gotham City.

Hancock
I mentioned the teaser for this one in a previous Trailer Park, but now we've got a full length preview to ogle. Will Smith plays Hancock, a hero with super strength, the ability to fly and the power to piss off just about everybody (you don't get that from your average Kryptonian). His hard drinking ways have damaged his public persona seemingly beyond repair, but a PR agent played by Jason Bateman sets out to heal Hancock's relationship with the people. The humor is still there, but the new preview plays up the action, and I've got to say I'm dying to see this. While I'm not as down on Rob Zombie's Halloween remake as some, that film's detractors will probably get a kick out of the scene where Hancock tosses Daeg Faerch, the actor who played the young Michael Meyers, almost into orbit.

Remember those lines in your high school yearbook that claimed so and so was most likely to do such and such? You know, like most likely to succeed, most likely to be famous, most likely to be the target of a senatorial investigation. That's the angle were going with today as we look at five recent trailers with an eye for what they're most likely to accomplish.

The Spirit
This one is the movie most likely to have people saying "who the hell is The Spirit." This is a character with a long and illustrious history in the world of comics (check out his Wikipedia entry for the full story) who was created by one of the acknowledged masters of the form, but outside of the comics niche, most people have never heard of him. To the best of my knowledge, the only time the character appeared in another medium was when Sam Jones of Flash Gordon fame played the him in a failed TV pilot in 1987. This film version is directed by Frank Miller and his Sin City style is very much in evidence. I like the look, and I like the fact that Miller has The Spirit leaping off the title logo as he often did in the comics. Here's what Elisabeth thought of it.

Sea of Dust
This is the film most likely to give people Grindhouse flashbacks, as long as you see the version of the trailer that's up on Youtube or the one at upcominghorrormovies.com. The preview has the intentionally worn and scratched look consistent with what Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino did with Grindhouse. Not exactly an original idea, but it looks cool and it certainly got my attention. Oddly, the version shown on the film's official site doesn't have the weathered look. This period horror flick is an homage to both the classic Hammer horror films and the works of Italian scare maestro Mario Bava (there's a scene with a dank dungeon hallway lit with multi-colored lights that's pure Bava). The film stars Tom Savini as the villainous Prester John whose evil threatens the residents of a small village, with Hammer films alumnus Ingrid Pitt (The Vampire Lovers, Countess Dracula) also starring. I'm still a bit hazy on the plot even after reading the synopsis at the official site, but I love Hammer and Bava, so I have to see this one.